Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
