i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
