guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
