Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
