ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
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