No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
