im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
