Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
