Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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