i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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