Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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