I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
