Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
