I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
