you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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