how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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