oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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