At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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