i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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