It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
