We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
