This girl is more easily done than said...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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