And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
