You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
