In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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