Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
