You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.