Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth

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(515): View more from Iowa

Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit

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(406): View more from Montana

I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye

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Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Read it at the TFLN blog
(862): View more from New Jersey

You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night

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(243): View more from

We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it

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(416): View more from Toronto

No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.

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