i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.