Someone shit on the floor
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
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i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
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youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.