Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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