I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa