porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I've blown a few things in my day
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
what food is Colorado known for?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.