Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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