I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
