Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
