How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
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We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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