just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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