I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Randomize
