Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize