yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
