I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
