yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
