I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
