I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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