I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize