So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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