I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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