My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
