I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
organizing the empties. That sober.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
