i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
