Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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