She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
