Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
