soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
