Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
