You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
