No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
