I cannot find my penis.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
