also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
