There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
