Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
