Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
