I queefed so loud it echoed.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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