if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize