shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
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