If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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