Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
