Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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