Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
