Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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