I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
