Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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