I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
