That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
