She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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