you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Operation Purity has been aborted
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
