Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
