i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
